


i wish

by cihuai



Series: i’m in love, don’t play with me [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Famous Rivalry Hyunsung, Hyunjin’s Feelings, Jealousy, Jisung doesn’t hate hyunjin, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, anime shaped bad bitch jisung, lapslock, minho is oblivious, not too much dialogue at the beginning, this fic is actually more serious than the tags, worlds most amazing best friend seungmin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-19
Updated: 2019-09-19
Packaged: 2020-10-21 15:04:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20695505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cihuai/pseuds/cihuai
Summary: hyunjin just wants minho all to himself, that’s all he’s ever wanted. but, maybe minho wants jisung instead.





	i wish

**Author's Note:**

> hi everyone enjoy this. i was listening to BLOO omg does anyone listen to him??? i fucking LOVE him to death his music >> that’s kinda where i got the title from sjdjdj anyways enjoy hyunjin’s suffering

sometimes, hyunjin questions his mentality. he questions what’s actually wrong with him — if anything is wrong with him. what troubled and love hurt demon had possessed him, playing with his heart strings as if they were tools: tied in knots and tangles that constantly tugged hyunjin in the opposing direction. it’s such a painful feeling, truly. the tightness never fails to brim his eyes with waters of distress late in the night.

the thing is, the bastard who causes hyunjin to grieve is none other than lee minho. the man he’s known for two years already, aware of his many secrets, watched him grow, grown and tweaked a close enough bond to label the older as one of his best friends. and that, that alone, is saying a lot — hyunjin has a lot of buzz around campus. the boy is practically aware of everyone’s presence, bonds with many like no other, and is even on such good terms with counselors. but, minho is continuously one of his best friends.

key word, only one of them. because, yeah, even if he’s brutally and honestly close with the other, he would never dare utter the words that hold too much truth. he’d never dare spill his darkest and most cautious secret to the man who withholds the feelings, even if he’s completely oblivious to it. though, hyunjin has seungmin. and the younger male is just the right person for hyunjin to let his mouth run to, letting the dark and toxic liquid he calls feelings spill from his heart.

“i’m in love with him.” it’s a lot, hyunjin knows. to be in love with someone, he means. being capable of letting yourself step so out of your comfort zone, practically giving your all to someone who’s completely unbeknownst to that fact, it’s a very odd feeling. hyunjin just isn’t sure where he went wrong along the lines. his brain coerced itself into thinking that his steps towards love were watchful, but his heart had known nothing about his movements were viligant — just laggy and careless. “it’s a lot, i know, you don’t have to tell me.”

hyunjin loves seungmin. loves him like a brother, completely different from what he feels for minho. although the male is certainly younger than him, he’s more wiser and heedful. that’s one of the many things that hyunjin has grown to admire about him. he’s always so caring, listening, comforting, and all around an amazing person. the older often likes to look back and laugh at the times when he thought that he had a thing for seungmin, only for the younger to delightfully laugh in his face, hand on his shoulder as he reassured the slightly taller male that it was just admiration at its finest. hyunjin remembers being highly hurt and pissed at him for blowing off his supposed crush so simply, but appreciated him later on for only looking out for them both.

seungmin, back annoyingly straightened and mechanical pencil between tight teeth, tears a half-filled page from his notebook. he aims for the can of trash in the corner of the room, missing by half an inch, chortling when hyunjin snickers. “how many times a week do we have this conversation?” hyunjin isn’t sure if the way seungmin said it was harsh, or if he’s just too emotionally drained to simply take anything lightly. the latter sounds like a more reasonable option.

“i’m sorry,” hyunjin let’s his index trace imaginary shapes into their wooden floor, head beginning to cloud overwhelmingly with blood from his dangling position. “it’s just—“ he pulls his body up this time, comfortably stilled on his knees and he swears his face might be blue.

“it’s too much for you.” seungmin finishes him off, words only slightly slurred by the object between his teeth. there it is; that cheeky thing that seungmin always does to him, reading him so pleasantly like he’s just an open book for the smaller to glorify. it’d surely be a painful feeling in a different aspect, but since seungmin was always someone that he could trust, he’s quite satisfied with the way his thoughts are carried within them both.

hyunjin could only nod though, not wanting to say too much this time around. he knows that seungmin has most likely grown somewhat exasperated with this recycled routine, even if he denies, denies, denies. that horrible, crippling ache of being a burden possibly overpowers his love for minho. that surely says a lot.

“hey,” seungmin pulls him from the dark hole swallowing him up, and hyunjin’s thankful. another thing to add onto the admiration counter: seungmin is the worlds greatest thought puller in all of the right times. “don’t stress over some guy anyways. they’re always assholes in the end, right?” hyunjin is thankful that he tries to lighten the mood with a stereotypical joke, it helps, even if he’s not aware of it.

hyunjin laughs, pulling his knees to his chest, socked feet gliding uncomfortably over his worn comforters. it sends a weird static-like sting throughout his nerves, and he dares not compare it to what his heart feels whenever minho smiles at him. “yeah, like you.” hyunjin chuckles, jokes too soon, because seungmin is chucking a pillow at him from across the room, and he doesn’t miss this time.

“get over it.” seungmin giggles under his breath, neutral hair falling over his forehead, and everyone swears they’ve only beheld the sight of his forehead atleast once throughout their lifetime.

hyunjin lies absent near the side of his bed where he’d been hit, arms sprawled out in exaggeration. get over it, get over it, get over it. get over minho.

something hyunjin likes to keep buried in the pits of his mind, is the fact that there’s the mere existence of han jisung. the beautifully tanned, toned, dark-haired, multi-talented soccer player that also attends the same college as he does. sure, hyunjin is fairly confident within him — within the way he looks, but goddamnit, he finds it quite the tedious task trying to top the other. come on, he’s also a good singer and has the legs of an anime e-girl — there’s just no room for competition.

hyunjin doesn’t know of any actual real-life problems that he has towards the younger, just the fact that he’s managed to intrigue minho — the love of his life. it’s very, very heartbreaking. it’s absolutely gut-wrenching watching the one he’s grown so fond of look at someone else with the same admiration and love that he’s been mirroring for the last year. when he looks at minho, he just knows that his eyes sparkle, (seungmin’s told him one late night). he’s very well aware that his elder is the only man standing in his little universe of unrequited love. he is, he really is. his vision is clouded with minho, minho, minho.

god, he needs to get ahold of himself.

when hyunjin had first met minho, he liked him a lot. but, it wasn’t love. it was friendly, good vibes and energy type of like. he always wanted to be around him, always changed classes to joke around in the back together, always suggested sleepovers that couldn’t last throughout the night because they’d get into trouble for being out of their dorms. they had learned from experience, hyunjin laughing at the fact that minho had bowed atleast ten times and emphasized his honorifics to be let off with a warning. that was fun, too fun.

it wasn’t until one certain birthday that hyunjin had shifted. no, he didn’t shift, his heart betrayed him, standing it’s ground and falling obnoxiously for the older. truth be told, he remembers the exact moment it happened — or so he likes to re-tell it that way. maybe he just remembers that one, tightening clench that his heart did for minho, jumping for joy at finally, finally being in love even after nineteen years. it’s a silly story to tell, seungmin had laughed at it, burying his head underneath his covers as he told hyunjin how adorable he was. he hates that day.

minho’s twentieth birthday. he was so excited to be leveling out of being a teen, practically teasing hyunjin the entire day for still being a youngster. it was all in a jokes of fun, and hyunjin couldn’t possibly bring himself for getting upset. if anything, he’d done the majority of the teasing, deeming his friend as an old man. that always earned him a well deserved knock to the back of his head.

not only the fact that they weren’t really allowed to throw huge parties on campus too often, minho always didn’t care too much about the whole celebratory part. he just wasn’t into it, that’s what he’s informed hyunjin, atleast. it was shocking, actually, he took minho for a party body if anything. so, when the older just suggested getting a cake made from a shop off of campus grounds, staying in and watching a couple of movies with some friends, hyunjin couldn’t say no. hell, more time with his best friend was always a willing invite to him.

one of minho’s friends, changbin, had put the whole thing together. the food, the movies, inviting some friends — without minho’s picky and playfully arrogant opinions on certain people. hyunjin would laugh at his choice of words, knocking him in the shoulder lightly and watching as exactly three crinkles formed around minho’s eyes when he chuckled too. he’d wondered, since when had minho gotten so overbearingly attractive. the thought was always something that lingered at the back of his mind, there’s no doubt about that, but it stuck to his front like glue now. sure, his upper lip upturned majorly and his nose pointed cutely, he was almost breathtaking. almost. just almost, he’s always narrowed it down to that.

minho had straggled into his mind all day long, and not only because it was his birthday, but because there was that puny chance that his heart subconsciously began to long for him. too much too soon, maybe so, but hyunjin wanted what he wanted, there’s no stopping that. he wanted to know why his stomach churned so devastatingly when he smeared creamy cake icing on minho’s nose and lips. he wanted to know why his heart staggered uncontrollably when minho had humorously scowled at him, giving hyunjin a taste of his own medicine. he wanted to know why his mind screamed at him when he decided that, yes, he wanted to kiss the icing off of his lips.

his throat had become tight, a sliver of anxiousness, confusion and uncertainty racking through his body. it tugged at his nerves, nagging at him for the next three months until he finally spoke up about it. it was seungmin that he went to, it was always him. he was bewildered, so lost and confused as to why he’d caught feelings for that particularly man. of course he’d had many crushes before, maybe even two or more hookups from time to time, but being in love was another deadly milestone.

it’d taken awhile for hyunjin to decide that he loved minho — that he was in love, per say. those three months were spent nail biting, hyunjin arguing back and forth with his inner self day and night. late nights, wide-eyed and filled with questions that he just couldn’t bombard seungmin with because he was sleeping. the thought that it was just a crush had calmed his feral nerves for the time being, he was satisfied with that. but, his want, his absolute need to be with minho became so overwhelming. his thoughts were so, so tainted with minho, minho, minho. all he’d ever thought about was him, even if it was a mere thought, it was still there.

he hated watching minho interact a certain way with other men, women even. he didn’t want anyone getting too close, didn’t want anyone touching, staring too long, or even lingering their hugs on minho for too long. he just couldn’t cope with it. he remembers ranting to seungmin’s sleeping figure about it, eyes squinted and forehead looming a headache from the dark he’s been wavering in too long. he’d talked his lips and tongue numb for atleast thirty minutes before he heard seungmin’s covers rumbling, hyunjin nearly jumping from his skin at the sudden intrusion of thoughts.

_you’re in love, dummy._ seungmin had mumbled into the air, and by the way his voice wasn’t raspy and scratchy with sleep, hyunjin knows he’s been listening for quite some time. he wasn’t sure if he should’ve been embarrassed or grateful, because embarrassingly so, he’d just wasted his breath on one guy instead of sleeping, seungmin being awake and well aware of his feelings from that point on. he trusted him though, he really did. his trust and faith in seungmin could run for miles, so he’d known that his not-so-secret was safe with him.

that was a year ago. way, way before the half malaysian transfer student came into not only minho’s life, but hyunjin’s as well. he’s never asked for this, so why is god throwing prickles at his life? it’s not like minho’s never returned his adoring stares, because he did sometimes catch the older looking his way. but, that didn’t read into anything. all hyunjin would get in return after asking minho what he was staring for, was that he had leftover ketchup on his lips. great, hyunjin didn’t even like ketchup, it was minho’s fries that he’d eaten.

he didn’t like the weird ache that would stick to him everyday, so ignoring his very obvious feelings was his best option most times. sure, it could be dangerous, seeing as how flirtatious and touchy jisung could get with someone that hyunjin had subconsciously claimed throughout the last year, as selfish as it was, but he just couldn’t continue to make himself look like a fool for much longer.

“i’m thinking about trying out for the soccer team.” hyunjin mutters to minho, lazy eyes watching as the older kicked his covered legs out, throwing them over hyunjin’s lap. the contact was repressing, yet his hands still found their way to pluck at the cotton of minho’s sweatpants. hyunjin is pathetic, he knows that. trying out for soccer? he hates soccer, he’s never even found interest in it. but, his mind tells him that it’s something that jisung does, and if minho takes interest in soccer guys, then he’s willing to take that risk. “what do you think about that, hyung?”

minho sneers from his place on the couch, left arm shot out lazily as he switches the channel yet again. the constant change of volume and conversation bothers hyunjin a tiny bit, but he’s quiet on it, not wanting to shift their own suppressed discussion just yet. “since when are you interested in that?” it seems that the older finally decides on a show, eyes squinted as he studies the foreign language. hyunjin’s not sure what’s being said either, but that’s at the back of his mind right now, minho is in the forefront. always have been.

hyunjin tries to distract himself from the fact that minho’s just laughed at him, slouching into the couch that isn’t his own — minho’s entire dorm actually, and shrinks within himself. that only results in his inner thigh being nudged harshly, minho scolding him for moving too much. the pain only lingers there for a second, then vanishes completely. hyunjin wonders why his heart can’t do the same thing.

he won’t lie, he loves stopping by and chilling in minho’s dorm every now and then. it reminds him when they’ve used to do this when minho was still new to the university, when he didn’t have a roommate just yet. hyunjin loved that peak in his life. he loved the days where he’d begged his counselor if he could move in with minho, only to be declined because he, already in fact, had a current roommate himself. seungmin often worries the fact that he hadn’t known hyunjin came with a foolhardy personality. he’d just pout his day away, assuring minho that he’d get lucky enough to score a roommate sometime soon.

all of minho’s roommates throughout that certain time period were always temporary, always dropping out a couple of weeks in. it was pretty upsetting, honestly, hyunjin wasn’t too fond on the fact that minho would always linger alone sometimes. the thing is though, hyunjin now heavily wished that jisung would become one of those college dropout, because he just couldn’t handle the fact that he was minho’s new roommate. to hyunjin, a new roommate equals another fuck buddy, from fuck buddy, to crush, from crush to boyfriend, and from there, hyunjin would remain the pining loser that he truly is.

he couldn’t handle that.

“since, like, forever.” he lies, a terrible habit that’s become a large part of his life nowadays. his fingers still pull and twist at minho’s sweatpants, reluctantly growing anxious under the sense that jisung could barge into his shared dorm with minho any minute now.

minho, again, snickers. “jinnie, you’re a terrible liar.” the older takes his lower lip between his teeth, dragging the volume down and setting the remote aside elsewhere. hyunjin isn’t sure where, his thoughts and eyes are focused on the pull of his teeth overpowering his lower lip. maybe he’s too far gone at this point, for god’s sake, minho only licked his lips to stay hydrated.

“come on, hyung,” he whines, throwing his head back, and it bangs slightly against the backrest. the whine prolongs from there, lower lip jutted out as his elder laughs at his pain. when he comes back up, his dark hair falls over his eyes, prickling dangerously close to his eyes. he needs to get around to a trim soon enough. “imagine me on the field, handsome as can be, tossing that ball just for you to cheer me on.”

at that, minho raises his brow, suppressing a chuckle threatening to push past the plushness that is his lips. one of his bare feet come up to press against hyunjin’s cheek, and the younger jumps, protesting in disgust and mock disturbance. “you big dumbass, you kick the ball in soccer, not throw it.”

hyunjin mentally slaps himself. “that’s what i meant.”

minho goes to say something else, but the door of his dorm swings open, revealing a very sweaty jisung. he’s clad in some sports uniform, one hyunjin can’t recognize. just great, along with being an amazing singer and soccer player, he’s studying another sport. where does the madness end?

“hi, min!” he instantly greets the eldest of the room, going in for a hug, only to be denied because of his reek of musk.

“hi, sam.” jisung smiles hyunjin’s way like he just hadn’t used his english name — even after the several times hyunjin has protested against it. “what’re you doing here?”

hyunjin is very upset. very, very upset. jisung is just so awfully sweet to everyone, even him, only for hyunjin to not be able to handle just the mere thought of him. he honestly, very unfortunately, hates jisung’s guts. he wants him to whither away somewhere, to go find someone else’s long-term crush to crush on. his own wordplay throws his mind into a loop.

“hyunjin,” he breathes out. he doesn’t dare glance up to see that minho had given in to jisung’s pleading, letting the smaller wrap himself around him despite how disgusting and sweaty he is. hyunjin reminds himself to stagger away from any physical contact with minho until he showers. “my name is hyunjin. i’m leaving anyways.”

the frown that takes over minho’s features doesn’t go unnoticed, his own lips parting before jisung’s voice booms over it obnoxiously. hyunjin doesn’t quite catch what he says, for he’s cradling his bag within his arms, throwing one strap over his shoulder as the weight begins to take a toll on his limbs.

he doesn’t like intruding, that’s for sure. he doesn’t want to be that one friend who kills the mood and makes it awkward; he doesn’t want to be a third wheel. hyunjin hates himself for falling for minho. falling for a guy who’s obviously interested in someone of much higher class.

“hyunjin,” that one breaks him. jisung possibly saying his name for the seventh time since hyunjin trapped himself in his thoughts, letting them carry his tired mental body away from the trauma. he loves and hates the fact that jisung broke him away from that. it’s not his place to break hyunjin, but he’s glad he had, for hyunjin probably stood there in thought like a fool. “see you in personal finance?”

hyunjin chuckles. it masks his sadness. “yeah. see you guys later.”

one last glance at minho before hyunjin has to leave. the sight of the love of his life encasing another man into his arms, holding him like he’s the last little petal on earth, like hyunjin doesn’t exist — it’s too much.

**Author's Note:**

> so the thing is, i don’t really write angsty stuff so i’m not used to this, so i’m sorry if it’s bad and like,,, unrelatable. but i’ve gotten my heart broken like once or twice before so lol i guess idk. i also write smut a lot (posted or not) and that gets a lot of attention but the works that i really work on doesn’t and it’s kinda unmotivating ngl but writing is a passion for me so i’m gonna continue to do it y’all let’s take a moment to clap 
> 
> SO tell me if you’ve enjoyed this and what you think maybe, i’ll appreciate it. it’s late and i wrote this instead of sleeping so i’m dead


End file.
